Born From a Tube - ZADF

It was like any other day for Dib Membrane. He was either bored, trying to find a way to better mankind, trying to find a way to delve deeper into the supernatural, or trying to find a way to show the world Zim was an alien (although, he was starting to think Zim wasn't much a threat after six years and countless failed invasion plans). He would occasionally end his boredom by rummaging through his dad's old files and schematics.

"Giant lazer? No, tried that already. End world hunger? No one cared. Perpetual free energy? That was a bust." Dib shuttered at the memory of that ravage monkey… Oh, the monkey…. "Love beam? That made Gaz love a slice of pizza for a month. Hmm… Isn't there anything I haven't seen or Dad didn't care to invent?" Dib was about to give up when an unopened file caught his eye.

"Clones…?" Sure, it had been done before several times, but he didn't know that Professor Membrane had dabbled in that field. Why would he try to do something that had already been done? Dib clicked on the file and it opened up to formulas, diagrams, samples, failed experiments.

"Huh…" Dib, his interest piqued, read through the files. Huh, Dad started this around the time he was born… right before he was born. The first successful human clone was created the day he was born.

"No way…." There was a video attachment that he opened and the screen went black before an image popped up of Professor Membrane, talking to some of his assistants before a tube of liquid; a baby was suspended in the liquid. Static filled the air before voices reach Dib's ears.

"Gentlemen, today you will witness the birth of the first successful human clone-my exact genetic copy. Molecule, by molecule, he is me." The Professor pulled the child from the tube and it began to cry.

"What should we call him, Sir?" one of the assistants asked.

"Hm… I hadn't thought of that." The Professor looked off camera, to someone who was not shown. "Honey, what do you think?"

The camera pointed to a woman with shoulder-length purple hair, goggles, and a white lab coat like Membrane's. "Well… I always liked the name Dib."

"I was thinking something more along the lines of 'Success Number One' but Dib is good, too."

Dib slammed his laptop shut. No way… Absolutely noooooo way! Dib bounded down the stairs, calling for his father.

"Dad! DAD! Are you home? DAD!"

He found him in the lab. Where his father always was when he was home. "Whoah, whoah, what is it, son?"

"'Son?!' Am I really your 'son?!'"

"Calm down, Dib, what are you talking about?"

Dib mind was whirling. This couldn't be right. He could really be… it wasn't possible. If it was… that meant his entire life… his whole purpose…

"Am I... just… a clone?"

His father looked incredibly grave. There was a brief pause. Maybe he found out something he shouldn't have. Then…

"Is that what this is about? I thought you knew."

Wait… "What?!"

"Did you only just figure this out?"

"Why… why didn't you tell me?" Dib felt his entire world crashing. Everything he knew… it was a lie.

"I thought you knew. I mean you are supposed to be my clone after all." His father-no, the original was unfazed by his devastation. He remained, as usual, upbeat and cheery.

"Thanks… this explains a lot now." He said almost mechanically. What could he say to that?

"Although, I wouldn't say you are a perfect clone. Functional, yes, but you do not have the same mind as I do. As I prefer real science, you chose… paranormal fiction. And that head! My head was never as big as yours, even if I do have a large mind."

"Sorry to disappoint you." Dib grumbled, turning his back to Membrane. He didn't want to hear anymore.

"No need to apologize, son, if you were a perfect clone, I would have competition!"

"Yeah… uh-huh." He dragged himself upstairs as Professor Membrane continued to rant about how he created Dib, and the differences between them. Dib didn't care. He didn't want to be Professor Membrane. He just wanted to be Dib.

Dib found his way to the couch and sat there, feeling numb. Gaz was next to him, playing "Werepiggy Hunt IV" on her Gameslave 5. Maybe he could confide in her. Maybe she would show some sort of sympathy, although she was more than likely not to show it. At least she could lend out an ear to listen as she played.

"Gaz… I just found out something… I was looking through Dad's files and… I'm… I'm a clone."

Dib waited for Gaz to say something. The only thing heard was the sound from the handheld system. She seemed to notice he was expecting something-anything so she had no choice but to say something.

"So?"

Typical Gaz. She never cared.

"Gaz, this is important-life changing! How am I supposed to cope with being nothing but an experiment?"

She puffed, more annoyed than anything. "Can't you see that I'm playing a game here? Leave me alone."

Dib could easily see he had gone to the wrong person if he was looking for empathy. Gaz didn't care. She wouldn't even care if he died. Dib briefly imagined his sister playing her Game Slave at his funeral.

He couldn't be around her. She didn't care. She never cared.

He got up and noticed a small twitch from Gaz. He paid no mind to her as he left the room.

"Hey!" He looked back to the girl with short purple hair who refused to look at him as she spoke through gritted teeth, "Clone or not, you're still my stupid brother."

It was a little comfort, but not enough. He was simply devastated but his discovery. What was he supposed to? Who was he supposed to be? Dib or Membrane? Professor Membrane had always tried to get him to study real science. Perhaps he was trying to get him to be more like who he was supposed to be? Perhaps he should concede to what he was and follow the Professor's footsteps.

He couldn't even think of Professor Membrane as his father anymore. But more like the original. Yes, he was his creator, but it wasn't the same as when he thought he was bred as a normal child.

Dib went to his room and flopped on his bed, which he was quickly outgrowing. He had about three growth spurts since he was ten. He was now the stereotypical teen. Tall, lanky, and depressed. More so now than before.

His bed was hard.

His pillow was lumpy.

He couldn't stay still. He needed to get out of there.

Dib grabbed a bag, shoved his laptop and a few essentials before briskly walking out the front door. Nobody cared when he left the house as a kid. Nobody would care now.

He kept up a pace, not knowing where he was going or what he was going to do. Maybe he would spend the night on a park bench like a hobo. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.

He thought he was walking to the park when he suddenly found himself in front of a glowing green house. Dib looked up and shrugged before going up to the door and ringing the doorbell. It seemed the gnomes knew when a threat was arriving and when there was simply a visitor. Dib knew the pizza delivery guys always turned out just fine when they simply walked up to the door with a Men's sign on it.

The door was answered but a disgruntled alien that didn't bother with his disguise. The computer had probably alerted him of his visitor.

"What do you want, Dib-stink?"

"I'm spending the night." It wasn't a question. Dib allowed himself past the alien and sat on the couch next to the small robot before looking blankly at the television that showed the Angry Monkey show.

"You! You cannot simply walk into my house! How dare you! GIR! Throw the human out!"

GIR jumped to his feet, saluting, his eyes narrowed and red. "Yes, master!" Dib was unfazed as GIR simply jumped onto his lap and started laughing and twirling, as if in an attempt to annoy him into leaving. He wasn't going to leave that easily.

"I'm taking the couch. Thanks." Dib said, pushing GIR off before lounging.

"MINIMOOSE!" Zim shouted. A small floating moose floated its way to Zim. "Take care of the Earth-pig."

Minimoose went to Dib who simply batted it away before rolling over, blocking out his surroundings. It still beat that park bench.

"COMPUTER! I-"

"Give it a rest Zim. I'm not doing any harm."

"You have come to invade my base! To learn my secrets! You want to kill Zim!"

"No, I just need to get away from home."

"You will NOT kill Zim! Zim is smarter than you filthy humans."

"You don't listen very well, do you?" Dib turned to Zim with a raised eyebrow. The alien had grown considerably since he first landed on earth. Well, he had to if he wanted to fit in. He had to keep up appearances. Each time he had to "grow" he would come to Skool weak and stretched-looking. Dib had no idea how he did it. But according to Zim, he was almost as tall as the Tallest. Dib had to wonder if they were starting to take him seriously now or if they were afraid Zim would take their position. Dib would be afraid for the universe if Zim did take their position.

An entire armada… under Zim's control… the thought sent shivers down Dib's spine.

"Then, you're out of luck. I'm not human."

"… Your words confuse Zim. Are you not the Dib-monkey that has been trying to stop Zim all these years from destroying Earth? Was the Dib-bighead replaced by a you?"

Dib groaned and sat up. "No, I am the same Dib you've always known. But today I found out I'm not human. I'm… a clone."

"Eh?" Zim gave Dib a look of utter bewilderment as the computer decided to shut the door. It was obvious Dib wasn't going anywhere.

Dib grudgingly pulled out his laptop and opened the files before holding the computer out to Zim. Zim curiously took it and sat next to Dib. Dib watched the Angry Monkey show without really seeing it.

"I made waffles!" GIR offered a plate of waffles that were drenched in syrup and covered in bacon.

"Um, no thanks." Dib wasn't very hungry. He could hear the video playing again. He tried to block it out. He really tried. But when he heard the woman who he thought to be his mother, he couldn't help but look over Zim's shoulder and watch the rest.

"I will raise him to be like me!" Professor Membrane exclaimed. The woman took the child from him and nurtured him.

"I think Dib should try to be his own person."

"But… then he wouldn't be a clone. He'd be just my DNA."

"There's really nothing wrong with that, isn't there?"

Zim grimaced and shut the laptop, handing it back to Dib. "I don't see what the problem is, Dib. Sure, you're a clone, but aren't all humans born like that?"

"Um, no. They are created through the mating process."

Zim shuttered. "Humans are disgusting. At least you aren't like normal humans. Filthy breeding creatures."

"I wasn't filthy before?"

"No, Dib-stink, you are still filthy. But I don't see why you are upset. Most of my people are born like this. We are born to be invaders. Very little of us have children. We are created to invade, not to breed."

"I'm not an alien, Zim, I'm a clone."

"Ugh, stupid earth-monkey, you don't get my point." Zim shook his head, rubbing his forehead as if annoyed.

"You have a point?" Was Zim trying to comfort him? Or trying to get him to see how stupid he was being?

"Of course I do, worm! Zim always knows what he is talking about!" Zim shouted, getting to his feet. Zim may have grown, but he never changed. "Just be grateful you were born at all! How you were born doesn't matter. You are here now, right? You are fighting to save the human race from me, right? You were born for a purpose just as I was. I was born to Invade and you were born to better mankind. And… uh… well, saving humans is bettering mankind, isn't it? Even if you do fail miserably at it, you scum-baby."

It was… a little of both. He frowned and leaned back on the couch.

"Zim, do you remember those years ago when Keef said that he thought we were friends?"

Zim gave Dib a skeptical look. "Yes, I remember that quite clearly. It was the greatest insult I have ever received."

"Well… I think me might be right. In a very twisted sense, maybe…"

"Do you want to join him in the animated suspension containment unit?"

"You put him in suspended animation…?" He was wondering what happened to Keef.

"Yes, he was rather annoying and I didn't want to have to deal with him again. It was the simplest solution. So I let Nick go. I only need one human to experiment on."

"Who's Nick?" When had Zim gotten a human as an experiment?

"Nick is not important." Zim chuckled maliciously. Perhaps he really was… Dib shrugged it off. He had more important things to worry about.

Like Zim's next brilliant invasion plan. Sometimes, Dib thought he was saving Zim's life more than he was saving human lives.

Dib shook his head. "Well, I don't think Keef was far off. We might not be friends, but we aren't enemies. There have been way too many times we teamed up to fix a mistake you caused."

"That doesn't make us friends!" Zim spat.

"YES IT DOES!" GIR screamed, making the both of them jump. They turned to the small robot who was eating a taco (where did he get the taco anyway?). He sat, facing them as a commercial for Acne Blast played on the screen (the same commercial they used over and over and over for several years).

"Wh-What?" Zim stammered.

"Well," He looked sheepishly down at his taco. "You two eat burritos and pizza together, that makes your friends, doesn't it?"

There was a moment of silence between the three of them, Zim and Dib looking at each other incredulously.

"GIR, we have never eaten burritos or pizza together." Zim stated matter-of-factly. "We have never eaten eat food NEAR each other."

"Oooooooh," GIR said, as if understanding. Though he probably didn't. "I'm gonna play with mini-moose now." The robot pulled out a moose toy from his head and threw it in the air, catching it and repeating the process, laughing hysterically.

"We are not friends." Zim stated, making sure Dib understood him completely.

"Whatever." Dib rolled his eyes. "But I'm still spending the night here."

"No, I said those word that made you not upset, now get out of my house!"

"That doesn't mean I'm not mad at Dad for not telling me."

"You can ignore him better at your house!"

"That doesn't make sense!"

As much as Dib hated to accept it, he still couldn't help but think the two of them weren't enemies. Sure, friendship was a long way off, but they found a common ground.

And something told Dib Zim didn't really mind his company. Dib did end up crashing on the couch (and discovering Zim didn't sleep) after a long night of banter and for the first time, they actually sat down and talked. And not about plans for taking over the world, about stupid stuff, like Hi Skool and GIR and Gaz. How everyone thought the two of them were crazy. How they never really had friends, except for Skoodge who might be dead for all Zim knew. He was never really going anywhere with his height anyway.

They were both considered crazy where they came from. They both saw the truth in the world that everyone was ignorant to. They both were born from a tube.

They weren't alone when they were with each other.

End.